


Maybe

by Dazzledfirestar



Category: Marvel 616, Secret Avengers
Genre: Guns, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Threats of Violence, Unresolved Sexual Tension, but hints of a resolution, pain meds make Nick REALLY honest.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dazzledfirestar/pseuds/Dazzledfirestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson has been having a really shitty week. But pulling his sidearm on Barton was probably a mistake. Probably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> A little Secret Avengers fic, loosely based on [these panels here.](http://dazzledfirestar.tumblr.com/post/85906765598/secret-avengers-3-seriously-this-is-causing) Basically, I couldn't help but spin this into something romantic and then it went... well. You'll see. lol

“You think I wanted this?” The bow didn’t waver. 

Neither did the sidearm in Phil’s hand. He knew, on some distant level that he wasn’t thinking clearly. He knew that but between the panic attack in the field and almost dying less than a week ago and not saying a million things he knew he should have just said but couldn’t find the words for even seconds before dying and now… now seeing any other chance to find those words disappearing before his eyes. He couldn’t really bring himself to care if he was over reacting or not.

“I don’t give a damn what you wanted.” His voice was almost as cold as the rain falling around them. It was so damned cliché. His training echoed in the back of his head about slippery grips in downpours but the voice was Nick’s and it only made him hold on tighter. “If he dies—“

“You’ll what? Kill me?”

“Where the hell were you?” Phil’s voice finally rose, cutting through the rain. If it almost broke too, he didn’t really register that.

“I was doing my fucking job. Just like he was.”

Phil’s jaw tensed but his hand didn’t waver. “What about the part of the job where you’re supposed to be watching his back?”

He watched as Barton’s eyes narrowed. “You think you could have done better? Hiding behind whatever was close enough to cover your ass?”

The click of the hammer being pulled back was almost deafening even with the rain pounding down around them. “Shut up.”

The chances of Barton shutting up at the best of times were negligible and Phil knew it but he’d hoped common courtesy would win out. It didn’t. “You think he’d be so damn forgiving if you ran away? If you acted like a god damned coward and then came at me with this shit?”

The muzzle of the gun only dropped for a second and the mud and cement next to Barton’s foot sprayed up around his boot as the bullet connected. He didn’t even flinch. His eyes did go wide as Phil’s gun leveled back up at his head. “I won’t say it again, Barton. Shut your fucking mouth!”

“You’re really cracking up, aren’t you?” The level of disbelief and dismissal in his voice was staggering. “Who the fuck pulls a gun on somebody for—“ His eyes grew wide again as whatever realization he was having fully formed in his mind. “Holy shit…”

Phil felt his arm shiver under the all too knowing glare.

Barton’s eyes narrowed and Phil got the sense he would have shook his head at him if it wouldn’t put him at a disadvantage in this still fully armed standoff they were doing. “You really are a coward.”

“Fuck you.” He couldn’t bring himself to put much weight behind the curse.

“You didn’t tell him, did you?”

“Fuck. You.”

“You were going to die and you couldn’t even sack up and tell him how you felt.” A derisive laugh left him. “He doesn’t know at all.”

The weight of that final statement hit Phil harder than anything else Barton had said up to that point. It took longer than it really should have to realize the gun had slipped from his hand and longer still figure out that the reason he wasn’t on his knees in the muddy water was because Barton had moved forward and caught him before he could completely collapse. He didn’t have it in him to say anything even remotely coherent as the reality of it all pressed in around him. “Jesus…”

He heard the string of curses from Barton but they didn’t really register. Hill showing up made a bit of a dint. Her words made a little more sense. “Inside.” and “Lay down.” sounded good. But it wasn’t until she said something about a spare bed in Fury’s room that he started to come back. Nick wasn’t gone. He hadn’t missed the shot. He had time. He’d be fine. Phil tried to tell himself that over and over.

“I’m okay.” He got his feet under him again—shakily but still there—and was thankful when they both gave him some room to breathe. “I just…”

“It’s okay.” Hill’s voice held that tone that said ‘take your time but you’re going to deal with whatever this is ASAP’. He appreciated that too. That was usually Nick’s job—or his depending on which of them were having a rough time with something—and he couldn’t quite help but wonder if all this drama would be easier if Nick were awake.

“Can we just get to his room and book the psych eval later?”

He didn’t comment on the look that passed between Hill and Barton. “Sure.” The tone in Barton’s voice caught Phil’s attention. The guy who had been so glib and dismissive a short time ago seemed to have had a change of heart. Phil almost felt bad for pulling his gun on the guy.

He sat on the bed next to Nick’s when they got to the room. The steady beep of the monitor was equally infuriating and comforting. It meant Nick was alive—it meant he hadn’t blown his last chance—but he wasn’t quite as alive as Phil would have liked.

Hill hurried off with a few brief words about one of the psych guys coming by in a couple days but Barton seemed to want to linger. “Look…” he finally spoke, half shadowed in the darkening room. “I didn’t really mean—“

Phil shook his head, his eyes falling on Nick. He didn’t want to look at Barton while he said what he knew he was going to say. “No. You’re right. I am a coward.”

“You’re not—“

“Yeah, I am. We were going to die and I was still looking for more chances; still just hinting and hoping he’d say something first.” Phil sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face. “I actually talked myself into reincarnation just to get more time with him…”

“That’s…” Clint nodded slowing. “That’s actually pretty romantic.” His voice was soft, contemplative and it just barely made it across the room.

“Yeah. Sure. It would have been if I’d said anything.” Phil let himself lay back against the thin pillow, eyes still locked on Nick. “I should have just told him.”

“So tell him when he wakes up.” Barton took a step closer. “Look, I know you guys have all that left over military crap going on and that’s probably messing with your head here.” Before Phil could get up in arms about that particular comment, Barton continued. “But you’re SHIELD now, right? As far as I’ve ever seen nobody here is going to give you any shit about anything. Hell, I’m pretty sure there are people that work for SHIELD that are dating outside of their species.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” The question seemed to be completely genuine. There wasn’t a single note of anything but concern from him and again, Phil was struck by the difference between this man and the one that had been pointing an arrow at his forehead less than a half hour before.

“It just… it just isn’t.” Phil finally lifted his gaze to the man who’d steadily made his way out of the corner of the room and was standing, hands in pockets at the foot of the bed. 

Barton nodded, looking over at Nick before he spoke. “Because he’s the one that gets it, right?”

Phil nodded. ‘Gets it’ seemed like such a vague way of putting it but he couldn’t find any other right way to put it. “Yeah.” They’d seen the same weird shit, him and Nick. Even before they were Nick Fury and Agent Phil Coulson. Before SHIELD when they were just Marcus and Cheese. Phil had admitted just to himself that he’d felt it then. That that longing and want he felt when the two of them were together stretched back to their days in the rangers but neither of them had ever brought it up. They couldn’t have brought it up then. And now he was wondering if that mentality was still clinging to him, no matter how many times he told himself that it was okay now. That he didn’t have anything to hide anymore. That he didn’t have to deny anything. Well, anything except being in love with his best friend, anyway.

“So, here’s the thing. If he gets it, what makes you think he wouldn’t get this?”

“I…” Phil sat up a little and looked back over at Nick. “I never really thought—“ he left the thought unfinished, still not sure he could find the right way to say what he thought on any of it.

“You think he’s straight?”

Phil blinked at Clint for a second. Yeah, okay. Those would have been the right words to finish that thought off with. He shrugged a moment later. “Never really gave me any reason to think otherwise.”

He watched Clint’s—and yes, given the topic of conversation, he figured they could be on a first name basis for this—eyebrow rise considerably. “Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you give him any reason to think that you weren’t straight? I mean really. Not just vague, write it off as a joke kind of stuff. But really.”

Phil thought about it for longer than he thought he’d have to. His cheeks burned for a second before he spoke. “When we were in space… I might have said he looked really good in that uniform.”

“So what? That was three days ago?” Clint moved closer again, standing between Phil’s bed and Nick’s and close enough that Phil had to look up to keep eye contact. “Is it just him or…”

Phil swallowed hard. He wasn’t about to add a confession that, yes he’d enjoyed watching Barton walk away now and then to the list of things he was confessing to tonight. “No.” He shook his head, the blush from earlier coming back with a vengeance. “No, it’s not just him. It’s him in ways that it’s never been anybody else but…”

“I know.”

“What? How?”

Clint smiled and if Phil hadn’t been pretending it was just Nick he was physically attracted to, the jig would have been up. “We’ve got the same friends.”

His brow crinkled for a second until it all clicked into place. There was one person who knew better than anyone—better than even Nick--that Phil had kept some of his sexual tendencies a secret through his service. He laughed. He couldn’t quite help it. “Rhodey.”

“Got it in one.” Clint smiled again. “He said you two have been in love with each other for a long time but you’re both too damn stubborn to say anything or do anything about it.” Clint shook his head a little. “Said it was frustrating as fuck to watch too. I’m starting to see where he’s coming from.”

Phil sat up completely, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and pressing closer into Clint’s space. “What did you just say?”

“Yeah. He said you should get your ass in gear and you’d both be better off for it.”

Phil swallowed hard, trying to get some moisture to his suddenly very dry throat. “You’re making that up.”

“Paraphrasing, sure. But that is what he told me.” The smile got a little warmer, and a little more understanding. “He’d be stupid to turn you down.”

“He’s not stupid.”

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about, do you?” Clint smiled again. “Besides, you’ve got time. He’s not awake yet.”

Phil felt himself blush again and was suddenly hyperaware of how close Clint actually was to him. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “I love him.”

“Yeah, I caught that part.”

“I don’t want to fuck this up…”

“You won’t.”

“But you’re kind of in my bubble right now.”

“Picked up on that, did you?”

The sound of a sleep hoarse voice filled the room before Phil could respond. “You two could just make out already. I could use the entertainment.”

Phil was up off the bed and across the room faster than he really registered. “Hey.”

Nick smiled a little but flinched as he tried to readjust his position.

Clint was on the other side of the bed, avoiding wires and trying to help get him resettled. “Could you try not to almost die for a couple days?”

Nick laughed softly. “I’d really like to give that a shot.”

“How much did you hear?” Phil fought the urge to put his hand on Nick’s, but he stopped trying a few seconds later.

“I heard a lot. I’d like to hear more.” Nick’s hand turned over under Phil’s. “I should have said something.”

“Me too.”

“So say it now.”

“You’re high right now.” Phil laughed softly.

“So you can tell me again when I come down.”

Clint chuckled softly. “You said no more excuses.”

“Not exactly.” Phil blushed. “But okay. Yeah. Nick…”

“Don’t get all dramatic on me, Cheese.” Nick smiled up at him. 

Phil rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fuck, I love you, you snide bastard.”

“Always knew you were a romantic.” Nick’s eye slid closed and his smile widened. “I love you too. And I’m gonna prove it to you when I’m out of here.”

“I should—“ Clint took a couple steps away from the bed before Nick’s hand closed around his wrist.

He shook his head and stared up at him. “No. You shouldn’t.”

“He’s right. You’re high right now.” Clint’s voice sounded a little shaky and Phil couldn’t help but smirk a little. Served him right. Though he was wondering where Nick was going with this.

“Yeah and I wouldn’t say this otherwise because team dynamics and professionalism and blah blah fucking blah.” He took a deep breath, flinching again and making Phil squeeze his hand gently as a reassurance. “Whatever was going on between the two of you there—“

“It wasn’t really—“

“There wasn’t any—“

“Shut up. Both of you. Whatever it was, I’d kinda like to see it.” He looked up at Phil. “We need to figure this out. I know that. Don’t lecture me on that. But…”

“You think a threesome right now is a good idea?”

Nick laughed softly. “I always think a threesome is a good idea.”

“Right… I forgot about Phuket…” Phil echoed the laugh, lazily lacing their fingers together.

Nick’s thumb moved over Phil’s. “You could have come too.” 

“Okay, maybe…” Clint cleared his throat. “Maybe once you’re up and you two are… whatever you’re going to be, maybe we can talk about it… maybe.”

“Could you say maybe again?” Phil flashed a quick grin at Clint over the space between them.

He smirked back. “Maybe.”

“I like yes better.” Nick let his eye close again and he let out a slow breath. “But if you’re not into it, I’m not into you being there.”

“Is he always this blunt?”

“Pretty much.” Phil smiled and lifted their hands, pressing a tentative kiss to the back of Nick’s. “But he’s right. If you don’t—“

“I do.” Clint smiled. “You… both of you… well, that’s going to keep me hard for a while but, you’re just starting to figure this out and I don’t want to fuck that up for you guys.”

“Don’t pull the martyr act, Barton.” Nick didn’t open his eye but he smirked. “Rhodey told me about the West Coast shit that used to go on.”

“And I’m divorced now so… clearly that wasn’t the best of plans.”

Phil’s eyebrow rose. “You think sex ruined your marriage?”

“No. No… not really. Just… why add to any other weirdness by wondering if there’s more going on than you know about, right?”

“I’m not worried.”

“You’re high.”

“And you said we’d talk about it later but we’re talking about it now.” Nick’s eye cracked open. 

Phil rolled his eyes again. “Manipulative bastard.”

“But you love me.”

“Yeah. I do.”

“So there’s nothing to worry about.” Nick looked up at Clint again. “You don’t strike me as the love and sex are the same thing kind of guy, Barton.”

“No.”

“So…”

“Maybe.”

“That’s the best you’re going to get tonight, Nick. Come on. Get some rest.” Phil kissed his hand again and Nick closed his eye again. “I should have told you.”

“You did tell me.” Nick smiled and shifted, clearly trying to get comfortable again. “Just took your time about it.” And avoided getting laid, which is the part I’m really worried about right now.”

“You could have said something.” Clint winked at Phil and got a laugh out of both of them.

“Yeah. I could have.” Nick sighed. “And I should have. I’ll show you… when I’m out of here.” His voice got quieter and a little slurred as the drugs kicked back in. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Can’t wait.” Phil smiled, holding onto his hand until he was sure Nick was out again and then motioning Clint out into the hall. “Look, he probably will actually bring this up again so if you really aren’t…”

“I am.” Clint took a deep breath. “I was this close to kissing you earlier… which is probably fucked up since you were talking about being in love with Nick but…”

“Yeah. Well… I’m kinda curious on where we could take this.”

“We?”

“The three of us…”

Clint smiled. “Yeah. Sure we could spin a few heads.”

Phil blushed again but his smile got wider. “Probably best if we don’t pull guns on each other again if that’s how it’s going to be.”

“You drew down on me.”

“My mistake.”

“Got us here, didn’t it?” Clint smirked again. “But yeah… weapons stay home if we’re in this for real.”

“Deal.” Phil rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry about that… about everything.”

“You’ll work it out.”

“Kinda have to now.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“No, it’s really not.”

“Don’t tell your new shrink about all the kinky sex we’ll be having.”

Phil laughed. “Why not? I have to keep them entertained somehow.”

“I really hope you’re kidding.”

Phil smirked and turned to go back into the room. That bed was looking more and more comfortable and he really did need some rest. “Maybe.”


End file.
